Monday, July 20, 2009

Never fear! The alleged "flesh eating robot" is actually a vegetarian!

Via Mad Latinist from the comments on this post, here's Wired.com's Danger Room, posting what they call "the most incredible press release of all time":

POMPANO BEACH, Fla.– In response to rumors circulating the internet on sites such as FoxNews.com, FastCompany.com and CNET News about a “flesh eating” robot project, Cyclone Power Technologies Inc. (Pink Sheets:CYPW) and Robotic Technology Inc. (RTI) would like to set the record straight: This robot is strictly vegetarian.

On July 7, Cyclone announced that it had completed the first stage of development for a beta biomass engine system used to power RTI’s Energetically Autonomous Tactical Robot (EATR™), a Phase II SBIR project sponsored by the Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency (DARPA), Defense Sciences Office. RTI’s EATR is an autonomous robotic platform able to perform long-range, long-endurance missions without the need for manual or conventional re-fueling.

RTI’s patent pending robotic system will be able to find, ingest and extract energy from biomass in the environment. Despite the far-reaching reports that this includes “human bodies,” the public can be assured that the engine Cyclone has developed to power the EATR runs on fuel no scarier than twigs, grass clippings and wood chips – small, plant-based items for which RTI’s robotic technology is designed to forage. Desecration of the dead is a war crime under Article 15 of the Geneva Conventions, and is certainly not something sanctioned by DARPA, Cyclone or RTI.

“We completely understand the public’s concern about futuristic robots feeding on the human population, but that is not our mission,” stated Harry Schoell, Cyclone’s CEO. “We are focused on demonstrating that our engines can create usable, green power from plentiful, renewable plant matter. The commercial applications alone for this earth-friendly energy solution are enormous.”
What a relief! Unless you're the Jolly Green Giant or a vegepygmy, of course :)

2 Comments:

Anonymous Pablo said...

My favorite quote: “We completely understand the public’s concern about futuristic robots feeding on the human population, but that is not our mission,” stated Harry Schoell, Cyclone’s CEO

8:53 AM, July 20, 2009  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Desecration of the dead is a war crime under Article 15 of the Geneva Conventions, and is certainly not something sanctioned by DARPA, Cyclone or RTI."

Yeah, right, as though our military-industrial complex has any regard for the Geneva Convention!

Perhaps the robot zombies -- I mean, "biomass" robots -- will use something crunchy- / earthy-sounding, like "Soy Green" Motor Oil? What they won't tell you, is that "Soy Green" is short for SOYLENT GREEN!

The end is nigh!

11:04 PM, July 20, 2009  

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