If I were a terrorist...[UPDATED]

...I'd try to blow up a plane by smuggling explosives up my butt. Then the TSA would insist on sticking their fingers up everyone's butts. With one single act, I would ensure the anal molestation of ever single person who wanted to fly in American airspace. For America-hating terrorists, what could possibly be better than millions of infidels being forcibly sodomized by their own domestic security forces? Osama bin Laden would have me assassinated out of pure envy.

Of course I'd deliberately fail to blow up the plane. Because if I blew up the plane, then the TSA might not figure out that the explosives were up my butt. And that's the whole point of the "attack."

[UPDATED] I'm not the only one thinking about bombs up the butt:

Colleagues of an Islamist terrorist named Abdullah Asiri detonated a bomb inserted up his rectum last year by cell phone in an unsuccessful attempt to kill a top Saudi counter-terrorism official.

Three experts I spoke to this weekend -- two of whom are currently serving in government in counter-terrorism capacities -- believe it is only a matter of time before the technique is tried here. "We have nothing in our arsenal that would detect these bombs," one told me. "There is no taboo that we can see against this technique. Suicide is suicide, it doesn't matter how gross it is."