Thursday, November 06, 2008

Vader to Luke: "By the time I was your age..."

A great reworking of the Vader-Luke "I am your father" conversation from Empire Strikes Back. Graphical versions here: Page 1, Page 2.

Darth Vader: Obi Wan never told you what happened to your father.

Luke: He told me enough! He told me you killed him!

Darth Vader: No... I am your father!

Luke: No! That's not true! That's impossible.

Darth Vader: Search your feelings... you know it to be true...

Luke: NOOOOOOO!

Darth Vader: Yes, it is true... and you know what else? You know that protocol droid of yours?

Luke: Threepio?

Darth Vader: Yes... Threepio... I built him... when I was 9 years
old...

Luke: No...

Darth Vader: Nine years old! And what have you done? Look at
yourself, no hand, no job, and couldn't even levitate your own ship out of the swamp...

Luke: I destroyed your precious Death Star!

Darth Vader: When you were 20! When I was 10, I single-handedly destroyed a Trade Federation Droid Control ship!

Luke: Well, it's not my fault...

Darth Vader: Oh, here we go... "Poor me... my father never gave me
what I wanted for my birthday... boo hoo, my daddy's the Dark Lord
of the Sith...waahhh wahhh!"

Luke: Shut up!

Darth Vader: You're a slacker! By the time I was your age, I had exterminated the Jedi knights!

Luke: I used to race my T-16 through Beggar's Canyon.

Darth Vader: Oh, for the love of the Emperor... 10 years old, winner
of the Boonta Eve Open! Only human to ever fly a Pod Racer... right here baby!

Luke looks down the shaft. Takes a step towards it.

Darth Vader: Go ahead and jump. I was wrong... You're not my kid. I don't know whose you are, but you sure ain't mine...

Luke takes a step off the platform, hesitates, then plunges down the
shaft. Darth Vader looks after him.

Darth Vader: And get a haircut!
(HT: Mad Latinist via email).

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