Friday, October 19, 2007

Excruciating Dilemmas for Republican candidates

From John Cole via Sullivan:
1.) “Would you have sex with a man to stop a terrorist attack?”
2.) “If lowering taxes results in increased revenues then would lowering taxes to zero result in infinite revenues?”
3.) “If you had a time machine, would you travel back in time and abort Bin Laden?”
4.) “Would you torture and kill Jesus to ensure mankind’s salvation? And how does that work?”
*** Update ***
5.) “If Russia entered Turkey from the rear would Greece help?”
6.) For Rudy specifically: “How many alimony checks does the sanctity of marriage cost?”

1 Comments:

Blogger grishnash said...

Based on this post, I am declaring my candidacy for the Republican primary. I'll have to get a fake ID, though, as I'm just under two weeks too young to take office in 2008.

So here are my answers:

1. Yes, but I'd arrange in advance for therapy. Now, I realize this might mean spending at least 3 weeks as a dirty, dirty sinful homosexual, but that's the kind of sacrifice I'd make for my country.

2. Don't be silly. Cutting taxes to zero immediately would use up all of our potential for tax-cut revenue generating at once. That would be extremely unwise. Rather, I propose reducing taxation by 50% on an annual basis. This way, we can have an infinite number of revenue generating tax cuts in the long run.

3. Of course not. By using my time machine to go back an additional year, I'd sneak into Mr. and Mrs. Binladin's bedroom and leave an abstinence-only textbook on the nightstand. There's no way that plan wouldn't work.

4. Of course I would. I've even asked Mel Gibson to serve in my Cabinet as the Saviour Torturing Czar. That way we're prepared for the Second Coming should it be necessary.

5. That's a very difficult situation to resolve. As a precautionary measure, I would want to have an active presence in the area. As President, I would recommend deploying an additional 30,000 NATO troops in Djibouti.

9:20 AM, October 20, 2007  

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