Monday, May 29, 2006

We are Unitarian Universalists...

...Resistance is futile...You will be assimilated.
 
[WARNING: SHAMELESS PROSELYTIZING]
 
Why might you be assimilated? Because you may be a Unitarian Universalist, and just not know it yet! Take the good ol' belief-o-matic test and see. (I'm sure you've done the belief-o-matic before, it's been bounced around the 'net about a zillion times.) I'm convinced that UUism is highly compatible with the geeky demographic of my readership (all 6 of you, but there will be more soon!). To be fair, I suspect UUism comes ranked highly in many belief-o-matic results because UUism is compatible with a fairly wide set of beliefs.
 
Here are some Unitarian Universalist jokes:
 
Q: Why are Unitarian Universalists such lousy hymn singers?
A: Because they're always scanning ahead to see whether they agree with the lyrics or not.
 
Q: How do you know you've angered the Unitarian Universalist branch of the KKK?
A: You look outside one morning and find a burning question mark on your lawn.
 
A Unitarian Universalist died, and to his surprise discovered that there was indeed an afterlife. The angel in charge of these things told him, "Because you were an unbeliever and a doubter and a skeptic, you will be sent to Hell for all eternity -- which, in your case, consists of a place where no one will disagree with you ever again!"
 
Here are my results on the belief-o-matic:
 
1.  Unitarian Universalism  (100%) [Of course!]
2.  Secular Humanism (98%)
3.  Mainline to Liberal Christian Protestants (90%)
4.  Liberal Quakers (87%)
5.  Nontheist (72%)
6.  Neo-Pagan (69%)
7.  Theravada Buddhism (67%)
8.  Reform Judaism (60%)
9.  Baha'i Faith (58%)
10.  Christian Science (Church of Christ, Scientist) (57%)
11.  Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (Mormons) (53%)
12.  New Age (52%)
13.  Taoism (51%)
14.  New Thought (50%)
15.  Sikhism (46%)
16.  Scientology (45%)
17.  Mahayana Buddhism (40%)
18.  Mainline to Conservative Christian/Protestant (40%)
19.  Orthodox Quaker (34%)
20.  Jehovah's Witness (30%)
21.  Eastern Orthodox (23%)
22.  Islam (23%)
23.  Jainism (23%)
24.  Orthodox Judaism (23%)
25.  Roman Catholic (23%)
26.  Hinduism (23%)
27.  Seventh Day Adventist (20%)

3 Comments:

Blogger Anthony said...

No suprises on my end - I'm a mainline to liberal christian protestant, as fitting with my Methodist mission school upbringing.

12:33 PM, May 29, 2006  
Blogger grishnash said...

Yeah, you got me, but it's very very close. Probably there should be some kind of playoff structure between the top four. Semifinal seedings: UU vs. Mainline to Liberal Christian Protestants, Therevada Buddists vs. Secular Humanists! Let the fight for my adherance begin!

9:34 PM, May 29, 2006  
Blogger Zachary Drake said...

>UU vs. Mainline to Liberal Christian Protestants, Therevada Buddists vs. Secular Humanists!

Now that's a fight I'd pay a pay-per-view fee to see!

Liberal Christians to UUs: You're just a watered down version of us! You stole all our hymns and made the lyrics more wishy-washy! You don't even believe in anything!

UUs to Liberal Christians: We're everything you always wanted from Christianity, without all the ridiculous metaphysical claptrap that you still half-heartedly ask your congregations to swallow!

I don't really know enough about Thereveda Buddhism to do that fight justice.

10:32 PM, May 29, 2006  

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