Christian hissy-fit: Madonna and the disco cross

Oh, this is rich. It turns out Madonna is being threatened with legal action in Germany for the number in her concert depicted in the image to the left. According to SpokesmanReview.com (via digby), "Pop star Madonna could face legal action in Duesseldorf, Germany, if she repeats a scene in her Sunday show that has angered Roman Catholic leaders."

Where to start? First of all, I think anti-blasphemy laws are stupid. I think this may be one area where The United States is a lot more progressive than Europe. Second of all, I don't suppose it ever occurs to to these folks that Madonna and her PR machine would like nothing more than to have one of her stage numbers spark some kind of religion vs. free speech controversy. This sort of thing is Madonna's bread and butter: waves of free exposure of exactly the kind she needs in order to stay "edgy" and "current". Heck, she's even getting mentioned on Internal Monologue. You can't buy that kind of publicity. (Well, actually you can. Pretty cheaply, in fact.)

But anyway, here's a tip for all you shocked and outraged Christians who want to stick it to Madonna: Instead of issuing statements like "This concert is a blashphemous challenge to the faith and a profanation of the cross. She should be excommunicated.", just ignore her. Can you imagine the money Madonna would make if she were excommunicated? That's the title of a double-platinum album if I've ever heard one. So just go back to whatever it is you normally do and leave Madonna to blaspheme alone, unheard. If there's one thing a celebrity can't stand, it's not being talked about.

And I'd just like to add that Christians are a bunch of pansy-ass wussies when it comes to images that offend their oh-so-delicate sensibilities (at least they tend not to burn down embassies like certain other monotheists have been known to do). Madonna is using religious imagery in her concert! Get me my smelling salts! Atheists constantly put up with being told that we're going to burn in hell, so you'd think the poor Christians could take a little blasphemy on the chin. But no, they cry like babies and their fellow monotheists come running to embrace them in their hour of pop-star persecution and need:

In an unusual show of religious solidarity, Muslim and Jewish leaders added their condemnation of the self-styled Queen of Pop, famous for peppering her concerts and videos with controversial religious and sexual imagery.

"I think her idea is in the worst taste and she'd do better to go home," Mario Scialoja, head of Italy's Muslim League said.

Riccardo Pacifici, spokesman and vice president of the Roman Jewish community, added Madonna should have pulled the routine considering where she was performing -- a stadium a mile from the gates of Vatican City.

So let me get this straight- one shouldn't engage in gaudy, opulent displays of Christian imagery too close to the Vatican, home of the gaudiest, most opulent displays of Christian imagery on the planet? Maybe they don't want the competition.

Maybe on her next tour, Madonna can stimulate herself with fluorescent multi-colored sex toys shaped like crosses, crescents, and stars of David while in the background a chorus of eunochs with enormous nipple piercings burn the Bible, Talmud, and Koran with a penis-shaped acetylene torch. The resulting common sense of injury and outrage that would pour forth from all the offended theists could lay the foundation for lasting peace in the Middle East.