Is this for real?

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From here, via Pandagon.

Comments

Anonymous said…
Pontice, quod numquam futuis, sed paelice laeva
       uteris et Veneri servit amica manus,
hoc nihil esse putas? scelus est, mihi crede, sed ingens,
       quantum vix animo concipis ipse tuo.
nempe semel futuit, generaret Horatius ut tres
       Mars semel, ut geminos Ilia casta daret.
omnia perdiderat si masturbatus uterque
        mandasset manibus gaudia foeda suis.
ipsam crede tibi naturam dicere rerum:
        'Istud quod digitis, Pontice, perdis, homo est.'

-Martial, Epigrams 9.41
7:49 AM, April 22, 2007
Zachary Drake said…
Umm...dude...this is an English language blog. Although I can pick out a few words ("sed", "nihil", "homo", "est") the overall meaning is completely opaque to me, and I suspect to the vast majority of my readers.
8:41 AM, April 22, 2007
Anonymous said…
You can't get futuis? Masturbatus? Really, the only line you really need to understand is the last one. But I guess I have to do everything for you. >τὸ sigh<, A Mad Latinist's work is never done.

This translation owes somethign to that of Poldy... but not everything, because I can't find Poldy's translation right now ;)

Ponticus, the fact that you never fuck, but use your left hand as a concubine
     and your girlfriend-hand serves Venus--
do you think that this is no big deal? It's a crime, believe me, and a huge one at that,
     so big that even you can hardly conceive it in your mind.
I mean, Horatius fucked just once to father three,
     and Mars just once, to give chaste Ilia twins.
Either of them would have ruined everything if he had masturbated,
     and entrusted his shameful pleasures to his own hands.
You had better believe that it is Nature herself that tells you:
     "That mess which you waste on your fingers, Ponticus, is a human being."
6:44 PM, April 22, 2007
Zachary Drake said…
I understood "homo est", and I suspected "digitis" was some form of "finger", and "perdis" must be "waste" but I don't know how to string the Latin words together because I don't know the declenscions so I never know what part of the sentence anything is.
1:36 AM, April 23, 2007
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