Insurgents' secret weapon revealed!
"We've seen almost total loss of advanced brain functions among scores of top commanders and officials -- Sanchez, Wolfowitz, Feith, Rumsfeld, Cambone, Pace, you name 'em," one doctor explained. "The vice president's office, for example, is practically a coma ward. And yet most of these people have been nowhere near the fighting."
Pentagon researchers say they are exploring the possible use of a "stupid ray" or some other high-tech device by the insurgents.
"The implications are pretty grim," one scientist said. "Some of the worst-hit patients haven't even been to Iraq. If the terrorists now have a weapon that can reach all the way to Washington D.C., we've probably lost the war."